“If Only She Could Have All That She Needs”

Imagine if she could meet a man who met all of her needs. A man who made her feel appreciated, a man who evokes a deep powerful emotional connection with her, a man who makes her feel feminine and womanly and sexy, a man who gives her hot passionate sex. It’s the kind of thing women dream about.

Through her life experiences she begins to understand what she must have in a man. Some look for it in handsome men, some in popular men. She must have that feeling. But through a process of trial and error, including disappointment and despair, she begins to understand what she doesn’t want in a man. Like that guy who cheated on her, or that guy who was too much of a marshmallow.

If she meets a man who is exciting, she finds that he is reckless. So she
looks for a man who is considerate, but he becomes boring. So she goes
with a man who is macho, but he ends up being uninteresting. So she seeks
a man who is intelligent, but he is sexually bland. So she takes a man who is
dominant, but he is in every way demanding.

If she could only meet a man who had all the things that could make her feel what she needed to feel. A man who is exciting without being reckless, considerate without being boring, macho without being uninteresting, intelligent without being bland, and dominant without being demanding. That sounds like a contradiction. But it’s not. A man does not have to be reckless to be exciting, and he does not have to be boring to be considerate. But most men don’t understand that.

“

This is so true, how the hell do guys know this??

alone

:) Pre-M syndroming. I can feel it. I can’t sit still, I can’t stop thinking about certain people, my emotions are intensified x 10000, I get irratible and pissy sometimes. And all this shit is happening with my dad, how he’s accusing me of ’sneaking’ around with boys without telling anyone, how he’s so bitter and angry and not understanding.

I had to tell him I was at the mall. I couldn’t even say “Joe’s house” because Joe is a guy’s name. I was playing video games for four hours, Jesus. I could’ve been out there doing worse things, but instead, I was eating oreos and playing video games. I can’t stand it.

My mother talked to him, said, “They (my sister and I) ask you anyway and you say No.”
He says, “YES I’LL SAY NO.”  I sneak because he says no. It’s his own fault.

And my cousins are out of the country. I can’t call them. Who can I call then?
Paul is away on aim, Jiyun is home…

I hate this.

THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

My day:
(Not in Buffalo.)

2:00 p.m. Lunch with Harris at Tossed, that salad place. I’ve missed his car, and his music. He leaves on sunday.
2:45 p.m. Back to Harris’ house to pick up Halo 3 and read some of his poetry books– e. e. Cummings!
3:00 p.m. On our way to Bloomfield ave. in Montclair to find this amazing tea shop.
3:20 p.m. Find the tea shop called Chamagudao, a very, very relaxing and beautiful tea shop. The menu had literally over 500 teas, all with beautiful and original names, and the atmosphere was very calm and artistic. The tea lady was very polite, Asian, and cute. We both decided on Fruit Dreams, I liked it because the description said it is the essence of summer. :)  We both sat there smelling our teas for five minutes just to take every fruity layer in. It was awesome.
4:05 p.m. Make it to Joe’s house and he shows me the THEN WHO WAS PHONE? picture on Imagechan. LOL it was hilarious.
4:15 p.m. Denzel comes, start Halo 3.
5:30 p.m. KICKING ASS, I got six kills. Hahaha. This list is getting tedious.
8:10 p.m. Leave for home, while they go to dinner.

For not being in Buffalo, I had a wonderful time. Just being with my faves and being consumed by video games and spending time with them before they leave.

I started a blog about my party but it’s so much to write.

Back to studying the psychology of pick-up and the inner mind of the male.

“There is no black and white, and there are various degrees, but at the extremes, I have found the following to be true of high self esteem (HSE) women and low self esteem (LSE) women:

- LSE women are insecure and seek validation from men. - HSE women are secure in themselves and have nothing to prove.

- LSE women have a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. - HSE women are self fulfilled.

- LSE women will manipulate a man to make him meet her needs. - HSE women know exactly what they want in a man, and when they find one enjoy who he is.

- LSE women are quick to obtain their man’s tokens of devotion, such as expensive gifts or immediately requiring a monogamous relationship. - HSE women are suspicious of expensive gifts early on, and do not decide that they want a relationship with the man until she gets to know him well.

- LSE women would steal a man if it would give her validation. - HSE women are not at all interested in another woman’s man.

- LSE women trade sex for attention and for verification that they are attractive and worthy. - For HSE women, sex is about sharing and celebrating sexuality.

- LSE women respond to being treated poorly in an attempt to prove their worthiness. - HSE women expect to be treated well and respond only to that.

- For a LSE woman, it’s not about the man, it’s about her own needs. - For a HSE woman, it’s about what her and her man enjoy together.

- LSE women blame their problems on other people. They have the victim mentality. - HSE women assume personal responsibility for their own lot in life.

- LSE women are motivated by moving away from bad. - HSE women are motivated by moving towards good.

- LSE women must control others by manipulation. - HSE women see that as unhealthy.

- LSE women are drama queens. - HSE women seek harmony.

- LSE women have a warped sense of deservedness. - HSE women have a healthy sense of deservedness. “

Oh. my. god.

THAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOME OF MY FRIENDS AND I! I have high self esteem! That’s wonderful!!
And all this psychology shit about flirting and how to get girls and stuff, I’m learning a HELLA lot about the mind of a guy, and it’s so interesting and probably will be helpful.

utter disbelieve

I hate to say it but i’m kinda ripped at this moment.
I didn’t plan on doing anything, but I did. I haven’t seen those friends in a while, and I figure that’s what we’d be doing. I don’t know.

It’s strange being like this. I feel like i’m leaving my body behind. like i’m caught in a giant spider web and  the sky is moving and wirwling like a magic eight ball and we’re all in our heads, all in our heads, our broke, shattered social scenes my friends and their popcorn, they can’t remember me, the me the one who looks good, who looks like she’s hiding something fromt he future and i feel like everyon’es gonna be okay all okay . no body’s dying, i said. nobody’s dying with me here with you. be with me, okay? you only, only only you. and we’re in the city esccaping them on fire. eleven fourty two guitars. i want to go wtith them, will he say hyes?

I can’t gaurantee anything,
the girl who dies her hair pink. No, I cannot guarantee anything because i hate breaking promises.
love is something invisile to me and she can see it, why can she, it’s not

fair.

i will not allow it, i will not i promise
and when you come back to me you’ll see that i’ve moved on

don’t worry about me.
I got the city on my side. you can’t win. you can’t win. look at us
we’re unstoppable.